9 Things I Hate About Everyone 1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3 When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4 When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is.. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!
5 When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6 People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'.... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8 When people say 'life is short'. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Irish Viagra
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido.'
What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor.'
Not a chance', she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.
''Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra'.
It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it.
Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.
.'It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress.
The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!
''Really? What happened?' asked the doctor.
'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate.
He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely!
With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop!
It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!
''Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, ' Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?''
Freakin' jaysus, 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years!
But sure as I'm sittin' here,
I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!
What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor.'
Not a chance', she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.
''Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra'.
It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it.
Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.
.'It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress.
The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!
''Really? What happened?' asked the doctor.
'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate.
He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely!
With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop!
It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!
''Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, ' Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?''
Freakin' jaysus, 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years!
But sure as I'm sittin' here,
I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!
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